Meta Me Some Old Time Radio

19 Tamuz 5779.

The Narrator, played by David Eastman

Last year, I wrote about the best birthday ever, when my loving children paid money to have me thrown out of an airplane. It really was the best birthday present ever -- until now.

It started as a day like any other day. We decided to visit our kids and grandkids in Modi'in. After a particularly great visit with the small daughters of one of our young couples, we helped see them off to bed, and decided to go for a walk to let the parents rub two or three complete sentences together in private, something all parents of active kids appreciate.

The Dearly Beloved was acting slightly odd (though I'd become used to this after the last couple of months. More later). He was watching the time -- not normal -- and insisted that we make it back to the apartment by 9 PM. Okay, fine...

Dex Ranger, played by Joshua Eastman

We reentered the apartment to shouts of "Surprise!" and "Happy birthday, Ema!" from the crowd of Eastmans. This was extremely surprising, because my birthday isn't for another two months. Better still, the computer was open and facing me, offering not one but two overseas families sending real-time wishes and smiles. I was feeling happy, overwhelmed and confused all at once. But it got better...

For two months, the family was preparing for a blockbuster surprise. (I was relieved to discover that the Dearly Beloved's recent tendency to quickly douse whatever he was doing on his computer whenever I entered the room wasn't due to a sudden fascination with Things He Shouldn't Be Viewing on the Internet, or worse.) Here's the scoop.

My family knows that I love Old Time Radio (OTR). Back in simpler days (mostly before I was born), there was no internet and no television, and families gathered around the radio to be entertained by dramatized stories, often ending with positive moral messages. Hallmarks of such radio plays were the public service announcements and commercials with college-educated English, clever sound effects, and mood-setting organ music woven throughout. Since they were recorded live, the background history is full of behind-the-scenes stories that still make me smile nearly as much as the comedies.

Constable Huxtable, played by Dani Eastman

Of all the stories, my favorites were the murder mysteries. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, variously interpreted by the great actors of the day, offered intriguing puzzles to be solved. Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe gave us hard-boiled detective fiction and some great prose. (See especially The Red Wind with Van Heflin and Gerald Mohr for a taste of artfully-penned stories-for-your-mind.) During my formative teen years, a group called Firesign Theatre produced a delightfully irreverent parody of OTR called Nick Danger, Third Eye. Never as interested in television (which requires sitting still) as in radio, my internal playground was always filled with the sights and sounds and characters from the old classics.This hobby continues even now, as it's much easier to clean a house to audio rather than visual entertainment. Music is for writing. Rabbis' lectures are for erev Shabbat. And OTR stories are for adding immense pleasure to every day.

Back to the future...

The Secretary, played by Daniella Eastman

A couple of months ago, my son Josh sent out to all our sons and daughters-in-love a script for an hour-long radio play called The Day That Time Forgot. (Click on the title to listen to the radio program on YouTube, but only when you have a good hour to spare.) The participants were instructed to send Josh their lines via Whatsapp voice recordings, and they were asked to make an in-costume black and white photo. They did, surprisingly, around exceedingly busy lives, and in total secrecy (which is not easy for such a communicative family. Kudos). Their accents and acting were marvelous! Josh wove the entire collection of disparate recordings together with sound effects, the requisite organ music, and a Firesign Theatre level of humor.

Mrs. Gloria Miles, played by Tova Eastman

Jimmy the Fist, played by Yoni Eastman

Molly Featherhammer, played by Naomi Eastman

Seamus Rajah O'Culty, played by Aryeh Eastman

Momma Lonny Ranger, played by Ayala Eastman

Velvel Gezhunt, played by Sam Bosley

Vladmirova Gezhunt, played by Michelle Bosley

Sterling Shimmers, played by Sima Eastman

Supreme Detective Texas "Dex the Tex" Texas Ranger, played by Avi Eastman

Fun behind-the-scenes facts you can only get from an insider:

• Sam, my only non-Jewish son, got all the good Yiddish lines, and performed them with an expertise borne, no doubt, of something buried deep in his genetic makeup. (His maternal grandfather was Jewish.)
• Tova is from Maryland, with its unique southern-ish accent, while Naomi is from Monsey. The ladies swapped accents for their dramatic performances. Delightful!
• The grandkids act as well as the adults! Who knew?
• The script is loaded with clues and jokes that only family will get, as well as proof that the playwright did a lot of research into OTR! Nice job, artistes!

Now, how can you possibly top this birthday??? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode, brought to you by Rx Brand Cigarettes and Dino Bone Coal!

All photos of the stars are presented in order of appearance in the play to avoid, yet again, that familiar canard that Ema has a favorite child. Her clear favorite child is the old guy who appears last because, as the Sages have taught us, "Aharon, aharon haviv," the last is the most beloved. That's you, Dex the Tex, you big dog, you. Thanks for helping me raise up all them cute pups.

Glossary - Meta: a bit of modern slang-play for the Kantian concept of das Ding an sich, the thing in itself. More clearly, making a radio play about the mystery radio show industry isn't meta. Making a radio mystery play about making a radio mystery play is. Does that help?

Only a Click Away

14 Tamuz 5779.

Through Vacation-Colored Glasses, by Dani

The hardest thing about making aliyah is, of course, being separated from friends and family.

Thanks to technology, we can at least talk inexpensively (and even for free!): Internet phone lines, various forms of "face time," Whatsapp and other instant messaging platforms have replaced long-distance phone calls and email... which long ago replaced handwritten letters for most people. (Disclaimer: I admire those of you who still write letters and postcards. They are beautiful and meaningful, and can be treasured in the special teak-and-ivory box I save for the purpose. But I'm part of the say-it-and-send-it-now crowd, unashamedly.)

Life is busy. Making time to be in touch, especially for those temperamentally of few words, can be challenging. While some of us in the family chatter away on one or another of our various Whatsapp groups, others have been more reticent. We miss them; and while we respect their need for a little less communication, we long to hear their voices.

I'd like to give credit to my far-away (for now) son, Josh, for his brilliant contest that has created a solution for our family.

Unexpected Blossoms, by Sima

Josh knows we are a family of quips and quotations, and that we love a good competition. He designed the "Eastman Pic Challenge" on Whatsapp as a means of enhancing our family communication.

The rules -- at least before each week's evolution -- are fairly simple. Each person can submit up to five photos to the Whatsapp group each week. They can be about anything except family members (and especially kids), because it's no fair using family to sway votes. If the caption is clever, it can increase the points.

Legoscape, by Michelle

Each week's winner gets to choose next week's theme; and while the photographer doesn't have to stick to the theme, more points are available for thematic shots. At the end of the week, everyone gets to vote for first, second and third place (and on heavy-participation weeks, even fourth and fifth place), and an honorable mention. Abba and I frequently cheat here and vote for multiples; but that's the benefit of being old. AHIP: Age Has Its Privileges.

Nostalgic, by Josh

Josh calls himself the Arbitrary Arbitrator, meaning that he gets the final say about the vote tally, and how the rules will change.

We are used to this: Josh declared at the age of five that his life career goal was to be a benevolent dictator. Also, he spent his entire childhood creating amazing board games and role-playing games for his brothers.



All of the brothers changed the rules to games such as Monopoly, Risk, Life... and their friends tolerated and loved the changes in equal measure.

Nature's Nesting Doll, by David

But the Arbitrary Arbitrator arbitrates with the assistance of some fairly sophisticated tech program algorithm... and honestly, we don't care. Somebody is going to win a bottle of something... and will no doubt share. (If he or she lives on the other side of the pond, we'll just have to share virtual l'chayims. Like I said -- we'll work it out.) When the contest ends, Josh plans to make a book of the favored shots for family members to have and to hold. And knowing this gang, there will be future (and of course, modified) Challenges to come.

The Challenge has all of us looking at the world with more attention to detail.

Soft, by Aryeh

We're seeing things around us as we've never seen them, finding visual secrets to share with each other. We're not just using our cell phones to zone out of what's going on around us. We're using them as a means to engage.

Focused, by Ayala

Why So Cirrius?, by Lowenthology

Best of all, the family is communicating at an unprecedented level. Even the quiet ones are participating more than ever before.

There are no politics. There is gentle teasing, but it's all done in good taste. There's a lot of cheerleading.

Since Josh's in-laws are also in the game, we are getting to know them better. (Gosh, they have wonderful senses of humor! They fit right in.)

I'm not sure what I enjoy more: finding out how each of my family members' minds work, how they see the world around them -- or that they are sharing with each other at an unprecedented level.

Way to go, Josh.

Butterfly Flowers, by Abba

If Life's a Beach, I'll Take It, by Tova

The Ever-Flowing Circle of Life, by Naomi

If you're looking for a way to enhance long-distance family or old friend communication that is not taxing but fun, I recommend your own Whatsapp Pic Challenge.