Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Dancing Visions

29 Tishrei 5778, posted in Cheshvan.

Not a painting of Bryna Kitay, zt"l.  Her dance was sweeter.
It is a beautiful wedding. The bride is, appropriately, breathtakingly beautiful. She reminds me of her mother when I met her, who also took my breath away (and still does). Not merely because God has given her a good face, but because there is authenticity behind her eyes. Her daughter shares that intense and real beauty. (And her father is an accomplished businessman, who at simchas plays the perfect image of the sad/happy clown, still acrobatic over the years.)

The guests touch my heart: they are friends of twenty years and more from the town that reared my sons and their parents in the Jewish faith.

There is so much for which to be grateful tonight.

As I listen to the soulful strains of Im Eshkacheich Yirushalayim -- If I forget Jerusalem -- with closed eyes...

Bryna Leah (aka Beverly) Kitay, a"h, appears in the center of the room. Now I must digress...

I am not a terribly spiritual person. I have had exactly two spiritual dreams in my life. And prior to this experience, I have had exactly two "visions." Only one is relevant to this story:

Many years ago, I was at a Simchat Torah celebration at Congregation Tiferes Yisroel. Rabbi Goldberger was dancing with the Torah, as he did by TY tradition, alone with the Torah, before the group dancing began. The dance was very ritualized, as Rabbi G preserved memory with motion. Details such as a raised hand, a bend of the waist, everything was an echo of a dance of the past. It was told to me that each careful step added to the design of the Ineffable Name of Hashem...

We all knew the steps and the motions, and that they were handed down from Rabbi Goldberger's rebbe.

I closed my eyes...

Suddenly I could see, very clearly, Rabbi Ben Tzion Chaim Shloime Meshulam Zusia Twerski, zt"l,  dancing with Rabbi Menachem Goldberger in the center of the room.

I had never met Rabbi Goldberger's rebbe. I only knew him from photographs. But in that one isolated moment, I felt that I saw him and felt his presence... and that "vision" has stayed with me all these years. There was so much love in that room that evening: the rebbe for one of his dearest talmidim, Rabbi Goldberger for his kehilla and family, our love for him and his remarkable bride, also a talmida of the Rav. The experience has typified for me what it is to be part of a mesorah, a tradition.

Suddenly, at this moment at this wedding, my third vision becomes a new spiritual thread in the tapestry of my Jewish journey.

In Baltimore, at any significant spiritual event, Bryna Kitay could be seen, in her quaint matching hat and suit jacket over a long skirt, arms raised to Heaven, dancing to and for God. Her eyes would be closed, and her expression was one of such sublime peace and openness. The kallah's mother reminds me that Bryna was always the first person in the center of any circle dance, later joined by the ladies around her. "She taught me what circle dancing is about. There's the part about joyous circling with loved ones. And then there's inviting Gd into the dance: bringing down His energy and light into the circle." Bryna left the world in 2016, around the same time of year as this recent TY wedding. I always imagine her dancing in Shemayim for God...

So here I am, at this wedding of these beautiful young people, surrounded by friends who define my family's Jewish roots... and there is Bryna Kitay in the center of the room, eyes closed, arms raised to Shemayim, dancing only for Hashem. Somehow, her presence here adds a layer of shefa and bracha to this marriage of two souls. My heart dances. I long to dance with her, to get her acknowledgment of my presence, but I know this is foolish. Bryna Leah never danced with anyone else except her One-and-Only Partner, in all the years I knew her. If she touched you during the dance, you are blessed. She only had eyes for Him.

16 comments:

  1. An amazing elegant woman from Hats to Hose !

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    1. She was indeed. Alice, you simply must move here so that I can occasionally hear your delightful humor face-to-face!

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  2. Beautiful memories of two great people who danced with absolute love for the one above. Your words, like your painting, are swirl of colors that help us connect to these two individual people. Thanks

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    1. Thank you for your beautiful and colorful comment!

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  3. Bryna obm taught me to take my medicine when needed and say a bracha with kavaneh. She was a one off in this world.

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    1. Wasn't it she who published and distributed that little prayer about asking Hashem to make the medicine do its job? Thank you for the reminder! Yes, she was definitely a "one-off." I miss her.

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  4. What wonderful memories of Bryna. She was one of a kind whose every moment was given to yearning for Moschiach. Her list of cholim was huge, and she poured out her soul for each one. When her feet and head were on the ground, she was a great story-teller. What a treasure we had.

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    1. Ah, how I would have loved to have heard her stories! She was definitely a treasure. We had a few brief conversations. Mostly, for me, she was a symbol of kevana and love of Hashem. Thank you for enhancing my knowledge of her.

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  5. So beautiful, this writing. Especially your expressions of gratitude for all the love and connection you feel. As for Bryna, I believe it was on the day of her Funeral, as I was exercising/dancing alone, I felt her presence come right through me, My arms were out and I was circling round and round to some music. It felt like she was inside me, gifting me with her presence. What a beautiful wave of emotion, an experience I will not forget, And that I treasure.

    Blessings to you and your family always.

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    1. Ah, Hinda Bayla, what a lovely image! Thank you for your comment, for sharing your own impressions of this wonderful woman, and for your brachot!

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  6. How Bryna, a"h, must love her Baltimore community so to reach down from Shamayim to touch and inspire us with her beautiful, powerful presence! I saw Bryna as clear as a bell at her levaya--free and unfettered with an expression of joy on her face that was beyond words. Thank you for the gift of your sensitive, perceptive word painting, Ruti, allowing us to share in the simcha and awe of it all!

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    1. Thank YOU, Shalomis, for sharing your memory of her as well. You are right: I think she loved Hashem and His humans very deeply. It makes sense that she would take time to reach out, to the spiritual and even to the less so (moi), among her Baltimore community.

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  7. Incredibly beautiful tribute to several incredible people! I only met Bryna a"h once, she gave me the little printed prayer for taking medicine and told me to give it to my husband a"h, which I dutifully did. Now, because of your words and the comments, I feel like I know her a little. Amazing! Thank you!

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    1. I know what you mean, Miryam. I knew her only slightly better than you did, and I feel that I'm learning so much about her here, thanks to the lovely comments!

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