A Happy and Kosher Pesach to You!

13 Nisan 5780.

Here is a little drash I heard years ago from “A Famous Rabbi.” (I’m always embarrassed that I cannot remember which famous rabbi...but the concepts are of no less value for my lapse in memory.)

Mere weeks ago, we were greeting each other with the words “Chag Purim sameach!” Have a happy Purim!

At this time of year, we greet each other with “Chag Pesach kasher v’sameach.” May you have a kosher and happy Passover.

But we have that backwards, says the famous rabbi.

Photo by Shannon Nuszen from Purim 5778

At Purim, who cannot be happy? We don’t need to be reminded to be happy. With all the costumes and makeup, kids’ games and parades, feasting and copious amounts of alcohol... who could not be happy? What we need to be reminded of is to keep it kosher: eat and drink for the right reasons, in the right amounts. Remember why we’re doing this. It’s not just mindless drunken revelry, chas v’shalom.

During the buildup to Pesach, it’s all about kosher. Not a speck of chametz anywhere. Clean, clean, clean. We are immersing ourselves in learning and relearning elevated thoughts about the meaning of the holiday. The last thing we need is to be reminded to keep the holiday kosher. (We must be reminded, of course. But last.) What we might forget is to be sameach, to be happy. We get so caught up in the minutiae of cleaning and clearing out the chametz that we forget to have fun. We worry ourselves and our families into unnecessary stress, leaving out the joyfulness that is part of renewal.

The Dearly Beloved was doing the "Box of Plagues" before there was a box of plagues.

Our kids have always looked forward to the yearly signs of the times.

This year, we’re trapped in our homes either with too many people in too little space, or by ourselves in a seemingly vast and lonely cave. Now, more than ever, we must figure out, each at their own Seder table, how to be happy in this holiday. This may be more challenging than the backbreaking work of scrubbing and sanitizing and searching and destroying every hint of chametz. But we are up to the task. In crisis, we find out what we’re made of. I know we can find joy in the work of becoming our finest selves. We can make the pursuit of excellence fun for our kids and satisfying and pleasurable for each other.

What the well-dressed shopper is wearing to the makolet: pearls, mask, matching gloves.

Wishing you a chag Pesach SAMEACH v’kasher!

Recommendations for a Stress-free Pesach

Yom chamishi, 18 Adar 5777.

As the post-Purim panic level begins to rise among those I love, it seems it's time yet again to dust off a few facts, and to share a few good ideas that have made Pesach -- dare I say it? -- one of my favorite holidays.

Bear in mind that the following recommendations are ideas and tools that have worked for me. I would love to hear what you have found works for you. All positive inspiration at this time of year is welcome!

Let's start with something very basic. Repeat after me: Dust is not chometz. Dust is not chometz. Dust is not chometz. (If you're Sephardi, dust is not hametz.) I know you know this; but your years and years and generations of Jewish guilt training will not let you embrace it. Go ahead. Indulge yourself. If you have forgotten how to indulge yourself, go ahead and pour a glass of wine, and take that rich dark chocolate out of the drawer.

Here are a few great ideas I have learned over the years, some from a creative and cheerful rebbetzin in New York, who published a delightful tape*; some from the energetic Rivka Slatkin, who published a number of guides on getting through the holidays (which I was blessed to be able to edit):

One of our excellent mechutanim, ready to battle chometz

• Buy beautiful or fun aprons for yourself. Why should you do all that cleaning in a shmateh? I followed this advice, and it really picks up my spirits! (This is not sexist. Guys can clean for Pesach, too; and I have seen some great aprons designed to give smiles to the Mars set as well.)
• Build a flexible schedule on one of those printout calendars. Seeing your chores in front of you and checking them off is empowering, and keeps you from feeling quite so overwhelmed.
• If you didn't clean out the closets and paint the kitchen and dust the ceilings before Rosh Chodesh Adar (or Adar II in years that have 'em), forget it until after Pesach. Spring cleaning is still valid in May.
• You can't always clean in private. But during the times when the kids are otherwise occupied, listen to a Torah lecture or to uplifting music while you clean. The former will enrich your knowledge, as well as offering the opportunity to feel good about yourself. The latter can really make the exercise fun. I recommend Udi Davidi for soul searching tunes, as well as some great, upbeat me'at mikdash cleaning music! (I hope he would consider that a compliment.)
• The holiday is EIGHT DAYS out of your year. It is possible -- though a shandeh in some circles, I understand -- to seal up all the normal cupboards, put up folding tables, and live there, as if you are camping, for a week and a day. And it's kind of fun.
• Israelis, geniuses that they are, have devised very cool products to help us to get through the holiday. My favorite: the portable gas stove top. Mamash genius! I clean the stove top, but without breaking any nails or using corrosives on my poor, delicate hands -- and then I close the lid, and set the Pesach stove top on top of my regular stove. One week of heaven on Earth!
• There are lots of young people around with time on their hands who are actually advertising to help you clean for Pesach. (If not, you are living in the wrong neighborhood.) Allow them to earn money for the mitzvah of relieving you of stress. Win-win.
• And speaking of help, this is a great teaching opportunity. Since my boys were small, they and their friends were encouraged to make a competition of scrubbing the front doors of my cupboards, light switch covers, anything non-essential but icky, that they probably created anyway.

When disaster strikes -- you're sick, God forbid; you have a steady stream of surprise guests from out of the country for every day leading up to the holidays; work decides to become ironically heavy in the month preceding Pesach; all of the above, which is not uncommon (because God has a wicked sense of humor) -- the following is a wonderful reminder. Please look over Rabbi Aviner's helpful (if somewhat rigorous) guide: How to do your Pesach Cleaning Cheerfully in Less than One Day.

One of the main things that gets me through this season with a good attitude is remembering what it's all about. Why are we getting rid of all this leaven? Yes, yes... I know. Because Hashem said so. But beyond that obvious fact, what do we gain spiritually from the exercise?

Having a good, healthy ego is necessary to function in the world. But a by-product of ego is hubris, an additive to our characters that is decidedly detrimental to our ability to fulfill our God-given missions on the Earth. Chometz -- leaven -- is symbolic of hubris, an inflated sense of self-worth, excessive pride. What joy that God gives us the opportunity to temporarily flush it out of our systems once a year! If we do this internal and symbolic cleansing with the right attitude, perhaps we are permitted at least a few months of valuing ourselves for what we truly add to the world, those individual gifts each of us has to complete our fellow human beings.

I give us all blessings for as pleasant and stress-free a Pesach prep as possible. See you on the other side of the Yam Suf!


*Remember cassette tapes? I played this particular rebbetzin's tape until I wore it out. Unfortunately, I cannot remember her name. I would love to give her credit. But at least her ideas stuck, and can be shared with you.

Feel free to add your ideas in the comments section. And if this has been helpful information, please feel free to share!

A Day of Little and Larger Miracles

Yom shlishi, 1 Nisan 5774, Rosh Chodesh.

You know those days when you feel as if no matter how hard you try to accomplish the smallest thing, you find yourself smashing into wall after wall after wall, no matter how many twists and turns you make to try to make it all work?

And then there are days that are the opposite, where it seems that God has cleared a path for you, and lit it with neon lights and arrows, so that a complicated task seems effortless. This has been one of those days. Baruch Hashem!

Brief history (my mechutanim were subjected to the long version, so I can spare you):

Years ago, I read a post by Rav Shlomo Aviner about our halachic obligation to do what we can to stay healthy. He ended his argument by saying one should get a bike. I filed that recommendation away for later.

Recently, due to an injury, a surgeon said to me: "Stop doing crunches. They're not good for your condition. Get a bike." So, it's been on my mind. The Dearly Beloved -- ever anxious to spoil me rotten -- said we would get a bike when the "bike man" comes to Neve Daniel, as he does a couple of times a year.

Yesterday, there was an offer on the Efrat chat list that made its way to the Neve Daniel chat list about a really wonderful offer for The Perfect Bike. With the help of friends and new relatives, "Queenie" made it to her new home in Neve Daniel before 11:00 AM. No boring details -- but suffice it to say that her Shimano brakes and Tourney gearing system are more than welcome here... and I could not have afforded her out there in "the real world." And there is nothing better in the world than friends, and family.

This success was after a week of equally wonderful climbs up madraigot (steps) in Hebrew learning. Besides receiving the gift of two lovely chavrutot who understand the art of being "language parents," I heard an inspirational talk by Chris Lonsdale on How to Learn Any Language in Six Months. He practiced on Mandarin Chinese. (Somehow, learning Hebrew sounds easier than learning that.) Go ahead. Let yourself be inspired.


The best thing I got from the video was the permission -- which I've been working on since I saw my children learning Hebrew while I was still stuck in dikduk (grammar) -- to just communicate, without worrying if what I am saying is perfect. Chris helped, with his video -- but Esther and Shira get most of the credit, for being so proud of me for just communicating effectively... even with mistakes. How I am coming to love them!

The biggest miracle of the day? The Dearly Beloved is on Facebook. Technology is visited upon all the Eastmans. Will wonders never cease?

Coach on Facebook. I know -- right???

May you be blessed with an amazing leap of growth -- preferably spiritual, but I'm happy with any mental, emotional, intellectual, communal growth as well -- during this holy month of Nisan. May you be blessed with a real sense of freedom from all the foolish notions with which YOU shackle yourself to keep yourself trapped.

I wish us both blessing and success!

Glossary:
Baruch Hashem!: Blessed is God!
Mechutanim: the parents of my child's spouse (Why don't we have such a word in English, that speaks of the relationship, the kinship, of the inlaws to each other? I have new FAMILY!)
Halachic: relating to Jewish law
Queenie: I know. I'm sorry and embarrassed that as a writer, I didn't give her a more creative name. But I can't help it. She whispered that name to me, the moment I saw her lovely, royal purple self. What can I do?
Chavruta, chavrutot (plural): Jewish study partner - a relationship as complex as a marriage
Nisan: the month in which we celebrate the freedom of the Jews from slavery in Egypt, and which we observe with the eight-day holiday of Pesach (Passover)