Spiritual Balm for a Jewish Woman's Soul - Part 2a

Yom rishon, 6 Tevet 5775.

These lovely gloves borrowed from the blog Wonderland Soup.

Okay. Rivkah Lambert Adler and I have expressed, with varying degrees of angst, our shul and siddur experience as women. Some women have shared their positive experiences, either in reframing the davening to suit them, or in minyanim tailored to the needs of women.

Others have expressed the experience of being marginalized, or even mistreated. Still others expressed an empathy with Rivkah's and my feelings of being outside of the shul experience, except as receivers or mirrors of the male experience -- which works as long as you have male family members.

If you as a woman are fully satisfied with your part in the shul ritual and with your portions davening in the prayerbook (and I know at least one very spiritual woman who not only davens nearly everything the men daven, but is constantly looking for more prayers to add to her daily davening ritual!) -- this series of posts may not interest you. But if you have questions or answers about how you express yourself Jewishly, this conversation may be for you. Please feel free to participate!

In Part 2 of our exploration, Rivkah has thrown down her lovely kid gloves to challenge us to think outside the shul. (I could say "think outside the Box," but only Neve Daniel residents will get it.)

How do we Jewish women define ourselves spiritually, apart from the shul experience? How do we speak with God when we're not using a siddur (which even if you are not upset by it, a woman must to a certain degree cherry-pick for prayers that resonate)?

I'll start. I am so overjoyed to be a Jewish woman! There is no moment in the life of a Jew that doesn't count. No such thing as "dead time." Every moment is fraught with meaning, and with opportunity.

I have a running conversation with God, that starts with thanking Him, when I arise in the morning, for giving me life yet again, for being there for me, for listening to my monologue. I try my best to really think about the morning brachot, and what they mean for me each day. I am grateful for the way Michael Haruni has expressed them in his Nehalel Shabbat siddur, and cannot wait until he adds a weekday version, as he has planned. Unlike most other siddurim, Haruni has added specifically female translations to the morning blessings: "You are blessed... Sovereign of the Universe, Who did not make me a goya (a female non-Jew)... Who did not make me a shifcha (a female slave)..."

Haruni's photographic montages are delightful and prayer-inspiring!

The conversation with God is a day-long process. I think this is one of the advantages of being "made in accordance with His will (the blessing said by women in contrast to the male version)." Rather than wasting time being upset that men say a prayer thanking God for not having made them women, I feel a bit sorry for them for their burden, and do not wish it. (My husband has offered several plausible explanations about why men might be very happy not to be women, and my friend Sarah Lipman has offered a few others.) I like that my God-created nature inspires me to a free-association conversation with my Creator, all day long.

More important than this conversation, in my opinion, is that Judaism is an action-based religion. Study is part of this -- and I schedule time during my week and on Shabbat to study Jewish texts that are of interest to me and my friends. (Thank God we aren't expected to go daf by daf through the Gemara, as many men try to do!) I am an aural learner, so the increasing number of teachers who record shiurim is a wonderful blessing. Rabbis and rebbetzins and other learned people come into my kitchen (so to speak) to lecture me on a variety of topics that I find fascinating.

But beyond study is the need to do. What does it look like to strive to be a light unto the nations? How do you attempt to live the action of your Judaism?  And what if you, like me, are not a terribly spiritual person? I know that many women find spiritual joy in visiting with and praying with other women at Kever Rachel, at Ma'arat HaMachpela, or at the Kotel. Many participate in the davening for women each Rosh Chodesh at Shilo. I have participated in many of these opportunities, and have found them to be lovely experiences. But these visits are not a required part of my connection with God and His people.

I try to focus on the aspects of the Jewish experience that I think are the most relevant to me. One aspect: it is important to me to try to bring peace between my fellow Jews.

I live in a wonderful Jewish community which -- like any wonderful Jewish community in the world -- believes that individuals have a responsibility to feed and care for other Jews who are going through life cycle events. Without stressing out my own family, I try to participate in these opportunities to take care of my larger Jewish family.

We are enjoined to help the widow and the orphan. It breaks my heart that Israel still has such a high rate of poor, hungry, disenfranchised, broken Jews. One can donate not just money but time.

Speaking well of Israel and her Jewish citizens may help in bringing Jews to populate Eretz Yisrael, which may help to bring the Final Redemption. So I write about my experience here, and speak about it to friends. Not with rose-colored glasses, but with honest love. Having put in more than a half-century on the planet, I have a few learning experiences under my belt, and I try to share these in writing, when I think that my Father in Heaven would expect me to share.

Now -- one thing you may notice about the above list. There is nothing I am doing that is not part of the average Jewish woman's day to day experience, with a few variations. The point is that our lives are devoted to this fulfillment of our responsibilities to other Jews (and ultimately to God's entire world). I argue that this IS spiritual fulfillment. Remember the story of the fellow who dreamed of a great treasure buried in another man's yard halfway across the world? He travels to the location, at great expense and difficulty, to unearth it... only to find that this other fellow dreamed that the treasure was in our hero's home, under his floorboards. The first dreamer goes home... and digs up the treasure in his own home.

Our lives are so spiritually rich -- as long as we don't think the treasure is actually buried in some other guy's yard.

This is my experience of being a Jewish woman, and truly feeling actualized in the process. It will not work for everyone. But if we share enough of our positive Jewess experiences, perhaps we can create a tapestry that may benefit others. Your thoughts, please!

Mama's Gingersnaps

Yom chamishi, 3 Tevet 5775, Mamas' Eve.

As I have said before, December is my Mama's month. Or, more fairly, December is the month of both my mother and my mother-in-law. They were both born in December, my mother on the 19th, and the Dearly Beloved's on the 28th. They both loved Christmas.

I enjoy baking gingersnaps during December, using my mother's recipe. It is such a pleasure to fill my Israeli apartment with the smell of her baking. In December, I like to listen to Silent Night, and Dougie MacLean and even Andrea Boccelli, because this was the music she loved. (I'm not much of an opera aficionada. But for Mama, I'll go the extra kilometer.) My mother-in-law, whom I was never privileged to meet, also loved Silent Night; but she added Hawaiian music to my repertoire, and her mother added cinnamon rolls to my recipes.

We are not a family that holds by secret recipes. Mama always liked to share the wealth, and the smiles. So in her honor, here is the recipe for the gingersnaps that my Judean Rebels football players will get to eat this Thursday night -- if they play like menschen. (I don't mind winning. But the most important thing to me is that I am proud of how they play. So far, they have really made me proud.)







Mama's Gingersnaps

3/4 cup shortening
1 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2 and 1/4 cups sifted unbleached white flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
granulated sugar

Cream together first four ingredients until fluffy. Sift together dry ingredients; stir into molasses mixture. Form into small balls. Roll in granulated sugar. Place two inches apart on parchment paper-covered cookie sheet. Bake at 375 Fahrenheit (190 Celsius) for 12 minutes. Makes 5 dozen cookies.

It's true that "unbleached white flour" is not something I have found easily in Israel... and this does not qualify as a healthy recipe. I may experiment at some point with whole grain flour and coconut oil to replace the shortening and...

Nope, probably not. Tradition is a pretty big deal with my people.

"The secret to preparing unhealthy food and living to tell about it is to make it only once in a while. Eat it. Enjoy it. Then go back to your carrots and tofu and bean sprouts with a clear conscience -- and a happy, happy smile on your face." You can quote me.

Spiritual Balm for a Jewish Woman's Soul - Part 1a

Yom sheni, 30 Kislev 5775, Rosh Chodesh, Sixth Day of Chanukah.


My good friend Rivkah and I have had a running discussion over several years regarding a woman's sense of belonging to and being accommodated fairly by the synagogue and by the Jewish prayer book.

Yesterday, Rivkah wrote a passionate and beautiful post about her feelings on the subject, and about her exploration of how she might relate in a positive and healthy way to the situation because, let's face it, this subject can eat out the kishkes of an intelligent, deeply thoughtful woman if it is not resolved. I hope that you will take a moment before going further to read what Rivkah had to say (Spiritual Balm for a Jewish Woman's Soul - Part 1). Don't worry: I'll wait for you. See you in a few moments.

In her post, Rivkah quoted me as saying that I see the shul as sort of a "Moose Lodge" for men, and the siddur as the Moose Lodge manual. I got ready to defend myself against attack -- after all, I have been attacked for saying that men should let their brides run the wedding planning, and for suggesting that men and women with issues in their marriages might want to communicate before baling out -- so I was a bit surprised when no one took me to task. Not unhappy, mind you. Just surprised. It could be that the venue of Rivkah's blog seems to draw only very polite women. But still -- I'm looking forward to a polite group discussion on the subject. Instead of defending myself, I'll offer an elaboration on my point.

Of course, I don't really see the synagogue as a Moose Lodge. I've never been inside a Moose Lodge, and have never actually observed a meeting. But my sense from stories and movies (and from men with whom I spoke, back in my rural America days) is that there are costumes and rituals that are taken very seriously, and these add to the camaraderie and sense of an organized unity among the members. My (hopefully) humorous reference was intended to explain how I see my place (or lack thereof) in synagogue ritual -- in what I hope is a healthy way.

I suspect (without doing the required study) that a hundred or two hundred years ago, women did not necessarily expect to attend synagogue services, except on those occasions when the entire congregation really is expected to participate, as on Yom Kippur. In the olden days, it was considered normal for men to go to pray in a quorum, and for women to run the critical spiritual world of the home. I believe that it is all part of the modern need to be counted as part of the homogeneous community of Jews, equal in all ways to their male counterparts, that has driven women to want an equal place in synagogue life.

Since this is supposition, it's better if I stick with what I know. Like Rivkah, I see that the service and the prayer book are built around men and men's issues. Men are expected to join in communal prayer. In fact, many prayers cannot be said if there is not the minimum of ten men joining together for the service. (Many have been the times I have felt sad that my presence could not help some poor fellow to say Kaddish for a deceased loved one.) Many of the references in the service and in the prayer book are exclusively male. Any reference to females seems like an afterthought.

The difference between my view and Rivkah's is that I am not troubled by this, because I see the synagogue as a men's club. And even if women are successful in making an equal place for themselves in that club, I would be very unhappy if I were suddenly required to take on all of the mitzvot of men related to prayer and communal worship. It's hard enough to persuade my guys to participate! And I have found that my relationship with God is very private, and is easier for me to facilitate outside of the distracting milieu of the clubhouse.

A rabbi friend pointed out to me the importance of Jewish socialization offered by the synagogue. I would agree -- if what he is speaking about is the kiddush afterwards, or the classes during the week. After all, how much socializing are we supposed to be doing in the sanctuary? While the communal davening experience may enhance socialization among men, women's sense of community comes not from shared ritual, but from doing what is forbidden inside the sanctuary: talking with each other, sharing joy and pain and solutions, processing together.

When my sons were growing up, my shul experience consisted of taking them to the shul playground, communing with other mothers, and taking them inside for a few minutes so that they could get a feeling of the sanctuary -- and then spiriting them outside again before they could disrupt the prayer of others. As they developed, the time they spent inside the sanctuary with their father increased. At times, they were even mature enough to entertain themselves -- outside, of course -- so that their hungry-for-Torah-wisdom mother could listen to the rabbi's speech (my favorite part of the Shabbat shul experience). When they were teenangels, my main shul experience was sitting by one of the corner windows (my husband had another) to keep an eye on whether our boys could be seen leaving the shul grounds, and then going after them, if necessary.

Of course, there were moments when I connected in communal prayer. This usually had to do with being enveloped in the harmonic song of my kehilla. For me, there will never be another shul experience like Rabbi Menachem Goldberger's Simchat Torah. Listening to the Rav sing... listening to the kehilla join together in beautiful "on the same sheet of music" communal harmony... watching my boys dancing (in part for my benefit), nothing -- until the Simchat Beit Hashoeva at the Holy Temple (bimhera v'yameinu!) -- will equal that experience. But even then, I heard that women who did not have sons to watch felt disconnected from the experience, and I sympathized with them. Had I been single, had I only or any daughters, my shul needs and experiences might have been different.


Now I send my young men and husband out the door, as I have done daily for many years, with the words, "Daven well. Bring Mashiach." I mean these words. I truly believe that their participation in the communal process keeps them directed and centered. I am slightly sad on those occasions when they opt out. And if I were required to be there, if my presence counted in the quorum, I would force myself to go, because I think it's that important. (Lest you think that I only say this because I don't have the burden, for a lengthy period of time in Baltimore, I got up to attend the 6:30 AM minyan in order to show my sons that it could be done -- and yes, a little mother-guilt can be an effective teaching tool. But because I was usually the only woman in the little ezrat nashim in the upstairs sanctuary -- we didn't use the main sanctuary for the weekday morning prayers -- I was never distracted by chatter during the service. So it was a pleasure to be there.)

Now I send them out the door, as I said, and I have wonderful testosterone-free time to focus on my ongoing conversation with God. I use the prayer book for a certain amount of structure -- how brilliant were our rabbis for lighting on relevant topics! -- and otherwise simply talk with God, as I have done since I rediscovered Him. He is my therapist when I am sad or angry (except when I am angry at Him, and then of course I need to speak with someone else); He is the One to Whom I can pour out not only my troubles, but my immense gratitude; He is the One Whom I expect to eventually repair all of the terrible ills of the world. I cannot imagine managing this conversation in the sanctuary, wherein there is the distracting hubbub of speed Hebrew, children demanding their mothers' attention, chatter among women who appear not to have opportunities to get together at other times.

The rabbis have said that I am naturally connected to God, without the need for all of the rituals men require. Rather than seeing this as patronizing, I choose to believe them.

I truly look forward -- with my dear friend Rivkah -- to that polite discussion on the subject.

Jewish Boy Meets and Falls in Love with Christian Girl. What Next?

Yom rishon, 22 Kislev 5775.

I was intrigued when I first saw the reviews of Doublelife: One Family, Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope. Minister of Music in a Texas mega-church meets and falls in love with nice secular Jewish boy from New York. And somehow they are supposed to work all of this out.

But I had about five books going already -- so I put the thought of reading Doublelife on a way, way back burner.

Then a good friend introduced Gayle to me. After one short phone conversation, I had a strong need to read the book right now.

My first impression is that I like these two people very much. Harold Berman and Gayle Redlingshafer Berman each write well. The device of love letters between them, used consistently throughout the book, is a delightful dance (even though I had to rely on my by now entrenched affection for them both to suspend my disbelief when the letters continued even after they were married and living in one house).

Our two characters are warm, intelligent, frighteningly talented. (An aside: my friend introduced Gayle and me in part because we are both musicians. I chuckled as I read about the classical and operatic music in which these two fascinating individuals immersed themselves... and wondered what they will think of Avi and me with our blues-country-old-time-rock-n-roll level of musicality.)

Gayle and Harold decide to marry, but without rose-colored glasses. They speak openly about the differences in their religious upbringings, their concern about child-rearing across the faith divide, their well-reasoned but still naive belief that love can conquer all.

And then the story gets really interesting, as they continue to write openly and lovingly of the difficult realities life throws into their plans. The largest and most threatening of these is Harold's increasing need to come to terms with what being a Jew means, and their mutual discovery that this is no small matter in the context of their happy marriage. The crises come -- as they often do in marriage -- when the couple is faced with a whiplash series of changes in direction neither of them could have anticipated when they carefully crafted their interfaith wedding ceremony and their subsequent life plans.

I won't spoil the story for you by giving you any more information. Suffice it to say that here are two people we should all aspire to emulate, if we want marriage to work. And if you need to feel the roller-coaster of joy and laughter and tears, Doublelife will give you plenty of opportunities for each.

However the story ends, the friendship and respect between these two fine people causes the reader to cheer them on to a happy ending.

In Israel, you can purchase the books at my personal favorite bookstore, M. Pomeranz Bookseller on Be'eri Street in Jerusalem. Drop my name, please. It won't necessarily get you a discount, but it will make Michael and Shira smile.

Chanukah... Hanukkah... Oh, heck. חנוכה TUNES!

Yom chamishi, 19 Kislev 5775.

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to pull out the dreidels and the latke and sufganiot recipes, light up the menorot, and dust off the old favorite tunes.








Here is a new version I like very much, because it's performed so interestingly and so expertly by an a cappella group called Shir Soul.
(h/t Batya Spiegelman Medad)



From the traditional-with-a-twist to the very modern reggae beat of the ever-changing Matisyahu:



And here's an old favorite that I love only partly because Avi and I have had the pleasure of performing with the very talented husband and wife duo, Yoseph and Leah Urso.



Have a wonderful, joyful Chanukah/Hanukkah/Festival of Lights with family and friends. If you have family or friends with whom you've not connected recently, give 'em a call. If you don't have either, go out and make some. This is definitely a time to be with other Jews.

Feel free to add links in the Comments section to your favorite חנוכה tunes!

There's a girl messing with my little boy's head.

Yom shishi, 21 Cheshvan 5775.

 And she's not quite a week old.

I had this philosopher, this Student of Truth. He's been growing as a new husband, admirably sharing his space and life with a wonderful young woman who is a perfect lifetime match for him. (May we be blessed to know them both and their children, in happiness and health, for long, happy years. And may everyone looking for his or her match find a life partner who is this "just right.")

So back to the little girl.


Suddenly my philosopher is acting very strangely. He tapped on a window yesterday to remind a young mother that she shouldn't be holding her daughter in the front seat without a car seat. In the past, he would have thought it was her business, not his. (To her credit, the young woman moved with her baby to the back seat. I guess she was planning to nurse, as she still didn't use the car seat. But at least she listened to this wise old daddy and moved to a safer place in the car.) I've informed him that -- according to Benji Lovitt -- getting in the middle of another Jew's life makes him automatically 37% more Israeli.

My big, strong son now holds up little candy-striped dresses and says -- with not a drop of sarcasm -- "Awwwww! How cute!" This mode of speech was never in his lexicon... but he's never been a daddy before.

Watching my sons turning into men, as husbands and fathers, has been (so far!) the sweetest part of a very sweet life.  My Mama, a"h -- who had a very not-sweet life -- would see this as a tikkun, a repair, for all the tough stuff she went through. I like to think of her smiling down from Shemayim (side by side with my dear mother-in-law, whom I was not zocha to meet), getting so much pleasure from watching these men with their lovely wives and children.

They are changing, these boys-becoming-men. They understand their parents more, day by day. They think about the cost of food and toilet paper. (Okay, fellow parents. Let's rise above the natural inclination to smirk ever so delicately at this point.) They are becoming very, very helpful when they drop by the parents' house...

In all fairness, I have to admit that their mother has gotten a little odd, too. I'm the lizard-chasing, fence-jumping, puddle-splashing, tree-climbing kind of mom. I'm learning "Girl 101" as if it were a foreign language. Wrapping presents (with tissue paper) matters. Shabbat dresses with Shabbat coats for babies matters. I find myself actually noticing "Hello Kitty" napkins and candy holders when I'm doing my shopping.

There's a lot of change going on in this family. We're growing up, the Dearly Beloved and I. Our kids have done a really good job of raising us -- and now they are passing the baton to the next generation.

May we share all the blessings that come with family.

If you have your own, enjoy the show. If you don't, follow the wisdom of one of my dearest friends, who has made herself as much an aunt to these boys (and a great-aunt to their children!) as possible. She tells me that she gets tons of Yiddishe nachas from them... and I remind her that she earned it.

Welcome to the world, Raquel Nitzan!

Today is the 4th yahrzeit of my friend and fellow blogger RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi Matitya. May it be that her dear neshama is smiling at every new positive expression of life in the world, and that any good I do today will add to her account in Shemayim.

Forelle mit Baby-Knoblauch

Yom revi'i, 19 Cheshvan 5775.

Simple isn't always best. But most of the time, it is.

You can't make fish with the head still on attractive to everyone. (Sorry, Dearly Beloved.) But a little plating technique might work for those who have never seen a trout they didn't find beautiful. I left the little fellow nestled in his baking paper wrapper, surrounded lovingly by cherry tomatoes and fennel slices. See those cute little roundish things under the layer of bones? Those are baby garlic, which Marc Gottlieb of Culinart Kosher fame taught me to extract from the fresh garlic stalks most people toss out after they chop off the mature garlic head. Such a waste! There is a lot of flavor in those little garlics!

The recipe is nearly unnecessary -- but here it is.

Get your trout from the freezer section at Super Torjman (because it helps out my makolet, and the work of cleaning the trout is already done for you by very competent people).

1 whole trout
5-8 garlic babies
raw sea salt to taste

Wrap fish loosely in parchment paper after tucking into cavity garlic, and sprinkling surface with sea salt. Bake at 250 degrees Centigrade for 10-15 minutes (until it smells delicious, and is no longer translucent). Dress it up however makes you happy. Serve with a crisp glass of Emerald Riesling -- of course! -- and a nice green salad, or fennel slices and ripe red tomatoes.

Guten Appetit!

Elaine and the Soda Fountain

Yom rishon, 9 Cheshvan 5775.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Elaine Porter. My first boss, at the soda fountain in the back of Ephrata Drug. I was 15, so was working "illegally." You were supposed to be 16. She was a big, robust bottle-redhead, must have been in her fifties. Her hands were gnarled from arthritis. My mama said she ate a mayonnaise jar of pain medication -- just plain aspirin -- every week. (I think Mama may have been exaggerating; but she got the point across.) Elaine had the greatest attitude and throw-back-your-head laugh, and could handle any customer. Her famous line: "Ah, ha! Sani-Flush! If that don't work, use a brush!" She would toss that out whenever something worked that had been jammed, or when she had an inspiration, or when one of our regulars made a ridiculous remark designed to embarrass a 15-year-old girl. ("Hey, honey. Please give me a cherry on top. You know you can't recycle those things, right?" Unbridled laughter. How to begin the process of jading a teenager: be the fifth guy to make that crack this month.)

Elaine invented the Olive Nut and Cheese sandwich. If I remember correctly, this overly-rich but addictive concoction consisted of shredded cheddar cheese mixed with minced black olives and... hmmmm... chopped walnuts, maybe? And mayonnaise, of course, to hold it all together. I'll have to make a batch, to see if the taste buds will remember the flavor.

She was a good boss. I always felt that she trusted me and thought well of me, in spite of or because of my youth.

I think Elaine has been coming to mind lately due of her independent attitude and seemingly inexhaustible supply of good cheer, no matter how much her hands hurt her. (And what did I as a self-absorbed teenager know of her other aches and pains and worries?) As my hands remind me of old injuries, now that I'm in my fifties, her courage strengthens my resolve to avoid making a big deal about the increasing discomforts of age. I read that she had been working at another food counter in an Ephrata bakery at least as early as 1962. Somehow, it was comforting to me to think of Elaine as "always there," like a favorite character in a comic strip. I hope she had a good life, and that her aches and pains never became greater than she could bear with her customary good cheer.

It was something to think she may have still been alive in 2012... and perhaps still today!

I decided to try to call her -- and was blessed with success! She is "94-and-a-half years old," and still vital. "I still drive, and raise as much trouble as I can." She worked at the counter for 25 years, but had to give it up when her husband became ill with cancer. He passed away in 1980. She never remarried, because "he was my life partner.

"I live in the same house in Ephrata, where I garden every day. I can't get around without a walker, because my back finally gave out on me."

She still goes to the senior center, and enjoys when they sing the old songs together. One daughter lives near her in Ephrata, and the other in Maui. She has two grandchildren, and eight great-grandchildren, most of whom regularly travel through her house. "It's Grand Central Station around here, and I love it!"

We had a pleasant conversation about family and what the young ones have accomplished. She said our conversation was interesting and "neat."

"Elaine, if you had a message for people, what would it be?"

"Just have fun. Look at the good side of things."

That is perhaps what I remember most about her. She saw the best in people, and in situations. It was a great life lesson, and I thanked her for it. She was very pleased. (I think she was a bit blown away when I told her I had converted to Judaism and moved to Israel... but what would one expect? And though she didn't remember me -- that didn't surprise me -- she did seem to enjoy that yet another person on whose life she'd had a good impact had decided to call and tell her so.) "You made my day!"

You made mine, too, Elaine. And you reminded me, as you have reminded me for more than 40 years, of the impact a human being can have on another. You're still one of my most important role models. May I have the same positive impact on others that you had on me. I look forward to checking in on you for long years, in good health.

Yup. It still tastes the same, even with Israeli green olives. (I can't bring myself to use the dyed American black olives any more.) I'm sure it's not particularly good for me. But macaroni and cheese is comfort food for some. Elaine's sandwich filling tastes like high school memories.

Elaine Porter's Olive, Nut and Cheese Sandwich, Israeli-Style

1/2 cup yellow sharp cheddar cheese, grated
1/4 cup pitted olives, minced
1/4 cup walnuts, chopped finely
1 tablespoon mayonnaise

Mix together. Spread on whole wheat bread and serve with a bit of salad, just to convince yourself that you're eating something healthy. Smile a lot. And look at the good side of things.

The Depth of "Modah Ani" on My Birthday

Yom shishi, 24 Elul 5774.

Lovely artwork by my dear daughter-in-law, Tova.

The days of our years among them are seventy years, and if with strength, eighty years. ~ Psalm 90, a prayer by Moshe Rabbeinu

So it's my birthday.

Ahhhhhhh!

And on my 57th birthday, it suddenly occurred to me at about four in the morning that unless I get special dispensation, I can only expect about 13 more years of life. (And that's without any disasters happening.)

This is not meant to be morbid. Nor is it intended to frighten my friends who are closer to seventy (and with strength, eighty) than I. It wasn't fear of death that waked me in the wee small hours.

It was the need to assess. How do I want to spend my last decade and slightly less than a half?

A short commercial announcement for my very religious friends in the Kine Hora Puh-Puh-Puh Club. Of course I believe that God will decide when each of us moves on to our next adventure; and of course I will be delighted to stick around until a hundred and twenty -- but only if it's in good health. And I hope that my speaking the words in the paragraphs above does not trigger your fear that I will make it so by saying it. I like to believe that God is not troubled by words, if they are used thoughtfully.

End of commercial.

Thirteen years to be all I can be. To do everything I ever wanted to do as Ruti. The mind boggles at the shortness of the time to do so very many things!

While I have no intention to quit my job and go off to hike the Alps or volunteer to save babies in Ethiopia -- though I have a certain admiration for those who do -- I hope I will live with more keen awareness of the value of every day.

A country song comes to mind. (Doesn't it always?) This song, written by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman and performed most famously by Tim McGraw, says it well.

For the usual reasons, I prefer the version by my son, Aryeh... but until I can record it, here's the original.



Seems like a nice message for the upcoming Days of Awe, too. For my birthday present to you, I give you the blessing that you will live your nice, long, healthy, happy life... like you were dyin'.

He said I was in my early 40's,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',
I went Rocky Mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the Good Book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]
Sky divin',
I went Rocky Mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.

Thanks, kids! Loved the candles, too!

Dear Young People: You can tell the elderly by the fact that they like to talk about their health, the weather, and how the weather affects their health.

Stay tuned for a post about the weather. ;-)


And thanks for the love!

Stayed overnight at my recently marrieds, and was met with these lovely gifts. Deluxe, five-star accommodations!

Lovely artwork by my dear daughter-in-law, Naomi.

The shot glass was to add to my collection. But the award from his peers in 20 countries was probably inspired by his midot as much as his skill. And that is a pretty great birthday present for a mother.

Finally. Eating Mindfully. Dumping Excess Weight. WooHOO!

Yom revi'i, 22 Elul 5774.

"Heaven never helps the man who will not act." ~ Sophocles*

HWC breakfast of mango, blueberry, lichi and pomegranate

So I'm on this new diet. (Of course I am. I'm an American woman. It's our national pastime.)

David J. Zulberg wrote the book The Life-Transforming Diet: Based on Health and Psychological Principles of Maimonides and other Classical Sources.

I purchased the newest (2014) edition four months ago, and decided to go through the book religiously (you should pardon the pun).

Honestly, there was something comforting about following a diet (that is not actually a diet, per se, but a manner of mindful eating and exercise) that the Rambam would have approved. And the fact that it is Jewish means that it takes into account how to eat over Shabbat and the chagim without necessarily going off the plan. One can even dine out! Even though this is called a diet, which implies weight loss, some people use this approach to gain needed pounds, or simply to feel healthier, with more alertness and energy.

Another thing I like about this way of eating is that one can tailor it to her particular food likes and dislikes. For example, I have had more success eating a protein-centric diet as opposed to grain-based. Some of my friends are the opposite, and cannot eat a lot of protein, or respond badly to it, or have issues with gluten; some are vegetarians. The Life-Transforming Diet (LTD) allows for all of these styles of eating. The only people who would struggle, I think, are those who despise fruits, vegetables and exercise... but even for those, the secret of the diet -- incremental change -- might get them past their issues toward eventual success.

The initial steps of the LTD were so slow, I felt like I was cheating. In the first week, all one is expected to do is to add a high-water content meal -- melon by itself, or fruit, or salad, or soup. The next week, one adds five minutes of exercise. "FIVE MINUTES??? Who can't do that?" I thought. The ultimate goal of the diet has much less to do with weight control than relearning the art we lost when we were about three years old of knowing when enough is enough. In short, learning to listen to our bodies, rather than following after our eyes and hearts and the "Supersize me" ads. The idea is that, over time, one learns through a "subconscious accumulation process" to eat appropriate amounts at the right times, and to learn to see exercise as pleasurable rather than daunting.

Another feature that I like of the LTD is the smart approach to snacking. When diets informed me that I was allowed a half-cup of cottage cheese and some carrot sticks, I felt like I was in jail. But when you give me a sort of choice hierarchy, and leave that choice to me, I feel like I'm in control. At a certain level, it's a psychological trick. But it has made sense as a means of teaching me how much food I actually need between meals.

Since this is the most success I have ever had -- success being measured in disappearing pounds and in not feeling nagging hunger pangs -- I am considering teaching this to anyone who wants to learn it, once I reach my goal weight. I have currently dumped six excess kilos (a little over 13 pounds). I'm eating less than I used to think I needed without feeling hungry; and I'm on my elliptical or on my bike nearly every day -- and enjoying it! Dare I say it? I'm actually having fun on this program.

With Rosh Hashana right around the corner, I'm planning my future menus with lots of shemita produce to take advantage of the holiness of this very special year, foods my whole family will enjoy, and that will help me to keep discarding kilos. L'chaim!

So far, David gives food recommendations, but no recipes. So I thought I would begin to share a few of my own, based on his principles. Please let me know what you think.

HWC Fruit Breakfast (pictured above)

1 mango, diced
1/4 cup blueberries
3 lichi nuts, peeled and chopped
4 tablespoons pomegranate seeds
dash of cinnamon
dash of coriander
salt to taste

(I've written measurements, because I know it makes you happy; but all measurements are actually approximations. Make it the way you like it. Since we aren't counting calories here, David recommends a nice big bowl of fruit. Remember to eat melon alone. Or with one close friend. Ba-dum-BUM! Ksshhh!!!)

Light One CF Meal: salad with ground beef

For lunch, I often make a big bowl or ice cream tub of salad. Thank God the Israelis never heard of iceberg lettuce, and that the vegetables are fresh and seasonal with lots of flavor! I top it with salmon or some other protein, such as chicken or canned tuna, or even ground beef (pictured) or entrecote, and maybe some seeds. There are wonderful varieties of seeds for sprinkling on salad; and they take care of my need for something a little earthy or salty. Also, Israel introduced me to zatar (a mixture of hyssop and sesame seeds) which makes any salad a party. Drizzle with a little olive oil and lemon juice, and I have a lunch that keeps me satisfied for hours. (If you prefer carbs to proteins, you can use pasta or starchy vegetables instead of meat or fish in this salad.)

For Shabbat, we will often prepare a whole salmon, as it's cheaper to prepare a lot at once, rather than buying the little packages of salmon pieces. That means we have a lot left over for the week (during the weeks our young marrieds and soldier are elsewhere). With a little oven-baked pumpkin and various greens, the lightly-steamed salmon is really delicious. (And again, for people who prefer a pasta main dish to protein, this dish might be made with noodles and vegetable sauce, instead of salmon.)

One CF Meal: Salmon with Pumpkin and Salad

Once I reach goal weight, I will begin incorporating whole grains more often. I would eat them now; but grain products tend to get in the way of my goals -- so I'll save them for later. Other people, as I said before, respond differently.

I don't only eat salad, by the way. It's just that the fresh salad greens are plentiful right now, and so flavorful. I look forward to experimenting with ways to continue my new way of eating using winter vegetables and fruits and, please God, to continued success.

I strongly recommend this approach, and this excellent book! And I give you my bracha for success in your efforts to become your best self in 5775.

*Every week, David recommends keeping a very simple diet and exercise journal, at the top of which it is recommended to post a "summary statement" that inspires success. He offers recommendations on his Skinny Habits Facebook page.

Bal'mer BYOB and B BBQ... A good time was had by all.

Yom sheni, 9 Tamuz 5774.

When the world is on fire, nothing is as comforting nor as strangely empowering as surrounding oneself with family.

On Shabbat, we surrounded ourselves with our boys and our girls and our neighbors. There was food and laughter and song and silly, silly games. ("Dani, no one knows why you keep inviting us to play 'Hunger Games.' Of course everyone is going to eliminate you first. Duh. You are the most competitive person on the planet.") For twenty-five or so hours, we didn't think about the Middle East, or about the world.

Today, we gathered our other family, the Four-One-Oh Club, formerly known as Baltimoreans. Most if not all of us are former -- and forever! -- members of Rabbi Menachem and Rebbetzin Bracha Goldberger's Congregation Tiferes Yisroel. Not everyone could make it, but we know your hearts were here with us. There was food. There was laughter. The song was recorded, but was good, nonetheless; and instead of games, we played the game parents and grandparents prefer: catching each other up with what is going on with our amazing children and grandchildren. (How did those little kids suddenly end up parents of six kids???)

Because it's all about the people, here are some of the faces we love. Those who know, know.

Dani had to fight with the Neve Daniel winds while he struggled to make those barbecue grills stay alight. Leave it to the ingenuity of Captain Crunch to solve the problem.

A metal tub used by the Arab workmen for mixing concrete becomes Dani's barbecue windshield, supported by a couple of 30-pound weights. You go, Dani!

Keren Bat Heyn reminds me of one of the great Vermeer paintings in this shot.

Moshe Shaul, making everyone else smile and laugh with his jokes (ALWAYS clean), shares a smile of his own.

Yehudis and Eileen, looking elegant.

Ah, friends. When you love someone, there is such comfort in her presence.

Nechama and Shoshana, so good to see you together in our home!

Yes, we waited too long to feed Nisan...

Son Avi and proud father Alvin

A hug from a kid you watched grow up is good for what ails you.

Tova and Dovid leave smiles wherever they go!

Good to see you again, Moshe! And yes, I'll always be Mrs. E. Don't be scared. That's just the way it is. ;-)

Aaron and Avi would have looked good anyway -- but somehow this shot is just right with the Israeli flag behind them.

Aharon and Feige Rochel ("Just let everyone know that even though Avivah and her family couldn't make it, they are so very grateful for everyone's prayers. And she's doing great!")

Baruch giving me his "Whadaya want from me?" shrug, which comes whenever I aim a camera at him. Just glad to have you here, friend.

Shoshana, Keren, Sandra and Yehudis... how long have we been friends? Ages!

When you invite Jews to a "bring your own beef (or alternative) and beverage barbecue," you get enough food to feed a small army. Which is what happened to the leftovers: they were transported to hungry soldiers. Thanks, Baruch and Avrum!

Joani, somehow I failed to get a shot of you -- but you are there somewhere in Avrum's smile. Thank you so much for joining us!

Hey, Pinchas! Thank you for dropping by and representing your family (some of whom were off dedicating a new community in memory of Eyal zt"l, Gil-ad zt"l, and Naftali zt"l).

A man and his son-in-law

Eileen, Ruti, Sandra, Keren and Feige Rochel

Jerry and Avi

A lovely new friend and fellow writer

Alvin and Avrum

Richard and Moshe Shaul

Richard and Jerry

Brothers and friends and brothers...

Thank you, new friend, for helping to bring back our old friend's smile.

Jerry and Eileen, thank you for inspiring this reunion!

Thank you all for lifting our spirits, for strengthening us with your presence and your love, to get through these trying times. As one of our lovely guests said, "It was nice to spend time with people I understand, people who are all more or less on the same page." In a word: family. May we share better days!

May the time we spent together, listening to each other, sharing with each other, add in some small measure to our cumulative efforts to bring the day when there will be no more sorrow, when there will be only light and joy, gladness and honor... when there will be peace for all human beings.